Where is God is suffering?

Yesterday while I was having dinner with my cousin, my stomach started to ache, in fact, it was due to period pain. Initially it wasn't that painful, however, later as we started to have our meals, my belly started to feel an acute pain, the pain was beyond words. I tried to endure the pain and act as if nothing happened, but just as I was trying to cover the pain, my heart started pounding, sweat started to drop, I couldn't stop moving back and forth trying to ease the pain. Just a few minutes after, I couldn't bear it anymore that I had to go to the bathroom and threw up. It was very painful, so painful I just didn't know what to do.

I didn't know how I managed to walk home from Box Hill central to home, I just knew it was a very long journey and I knew Jesus was carrying me, He gave me strength to walk.

The pain increased as I threw myself in bed, my breathing was fast, and at that very moment, I was just totally feeling helpless. However, my mind was quite clear even though the pain was unbearable. I asked Jesus, where are you? Aren't you the God who heals? Why can't you take away my pain? What about those suffering more than me? What have you done? I couldn't help asking those questions because I wanted an answer from God, I wanted to experience God during my suffering. I wanted an answer, but I guess my mind was too occupied with pain that I couldn't be still and listen to what God was saying to me.

These days God has challenged me with a question.
Is your faith deep enough to stand in great suffering?
I was first strucked by this question by Peter Adam's sermon in the Belgrave Heights convention. Between last Saturday and yesterday, my answer was clear, it was NO.
From yesterday's experience, just a short suffering from pain, my answer was NO again.
My faith for God was not deep enough, I don't have enough faith to face the possible sufferings I may face in the future such as long term illness and loss of my beloved ones.
My prayer for this week is that I want to increase my faith in Christ and know that He is God despite the seemingly horrible and unbreable sufferings I fce or I may face in the future.

Other question God also asked me these days is, Do you love me?
I guess this is something I really need to ask myself, do I love God enough?
God died for me, but honestly, I don't feel the pain, I try to feel it, but I can't. I don't feel the pain. I don't know how much God has loved me. My love for God is in fact quite numb.
I know if my boyfriend says he loves me, my heart will pound quickly, breathing will increase, I will feel happy, and I obviously will always be thinking of him because I love him so. But what can't I do it for God? I don't always think of Him, I don't really talk to Him and only does so if I need something. Why can't my love be greater than that?


God loved me so much that HE DIED FOR ME, for my sins, for my sufferings and for my burdens, but why don't I love Him, why is this so unfair, why am I being so unfair? God already has given me much and wants to give me more, but what can't I give Him more of me?

The answer to my question, where is God in suffering is probably clear now. Jesus has suffered, Jesus has endured, and he has conquered. God is HERE, right beside us, He is crying, He is weeping and He is comforting us with His greatest and most perfect love. God said, the things you suffer now is nothing compare to the glory in the coming days---I BELIEVE LORD, I TRUST THAT LORD! So friends, let's hope for the better Jesus is bringing.